PORTLAND, OR — Inspired by a recent report published by Rose City Gazette about the city’s Naked Bike Ride, one determined local resident decided the best way to support Portland culture was to immediately ride a bicycle through the city while completely naked.
Unfortunately, he appears to have been the only participant.
The resident, 34-year-old freelance kombucha consultant Derek Mullins, reportedly read the article about the February edition of the Portland Naked Bike Ride and assumed the event was already underway. Without verifying the schedule, Mullins removed his clothes, applied what he described as “an optimistic amount of body glitter,” and set out to complete the full route.
“I figured everyone else must already be ahead of me,” Mullins explained while wrapping himself in a borrowed food-cart menu for warmth. “Portland cyclists are famously punctual.”
A One-Man Parade Through Downtown
Witnesses say Mullins began his solo ride near Burnside Street, where confused pedestrians initially assumed the event had simply started earlier than expected.
“I thought, ‘Wow, participation numbers must be down this year,’” said barista Hannah Cole while watching Mullins pedal confidently past NW 23rd Avenue. “But then he kept looking behind him like the rest of the group was invisible.”
The cyclist continued south toward West Burnside Street, ringing a small bicycle bell and shouting encouragement to what he believed was a large group of riders behind him.
“At one point he yelled ‘KEEP THE FORMATION TIGHT!’ to absolutely no one,” reported a pedestrian near SW Broadway.
Pedestrians Offer Confused Support
By the time Mullins crossed toward Hawthorne Bridge, onlookers had begun treating the event as a performance art piece.
Several tourists applauded.
One man offered him a scarf.
A street musician attempted to follow him while playing saxophone but quickly gave up due to what he described as “a lack of group momentum.”
“I assumed the rest of the riders were coming any minute,” said local resident Maya Richardson. “But after about ten minutes it became clear this was just one very committed individual and a lot of wind exposure.”
Cyclist Refuses To Abandon Route
Despite the absence of fellow riders, Mullins reportedly continued the full ceremonial route, pedaling along SE Hawthorne Boulevard and briefly stopping at a food cart pod to ask if anyone had seen the rest of the ride.
“They told me the event wasn’t until later in the year,” Mullins said. “But at that point I’d already committed emotionally.”
He then completed the ride by looping back toward Burnside Bridge, where several drivers slowed down to verify they were not hallucinating.
Local Officials Praise Dedication
City observers say the incident perfectly captures Portland’s spirit of confidently doing something unusual without fully checking the details first.
Urban sociologist Daniel Kramer called the ride “a powerful example of community participation, even when the community accidentally stays home.”
Meanwhile Mullins says he has no regrets.
“If anything,” he said while carefully sitting on a park bench, “this proves Portland still values individuality.”
He also confirmed he plans to attend the actual Naked Bike Ride when it happens — though next time he intends to verify that other cyclists exist first.
