PORTLAND, OR — A loosely organized group of former Boston residents living in Portland announced this week that they are actively campaigning to rename the city “Boston,” citing “historical accuracy,” “emotional closure,” and “the fact that we already brought our accents.”
The group, calling itself Bostonians For Correct Naming, claims Portland’s current name is “a coin-flip mistake that went on way too long.”
“We’re not saying Portland is bad,” said group spokesperson and former Boston resident Mark Donnelly, standing outside a coffee shop that exclusively sells oat milk lattes. “We’re just saying it could be Boston again. A better Boston. A calmer Boston. A Boston with fewer opinions about chowder.”
A Multi-Pronged Campaign
According to city officials, the group has been promoting the idea through a variety of unconventional tactics, including:
- Replacing street signs with temporary ones reading “Boston (West)”
- Quietly correcting tourists when they say “Portland”
- Leaving pamphlets titled ‘You Know This Was Almost Boston, Right?’ on park benches
- Chanting “Flip It Again” during city council meetings
- Refusing to answer questions unless addressed “as if we were in Boston”
Members have also been seen tossing coins at intersections, insisting they are “testing fate” and “letting history breathe.”
City Leadership Pushes Back
Portland city leadership has publicly rejected the proposal, calling it “logistically unnecessary” and “emotionally exhausting.”
“We are not renaming the city,” said a city spokesperson. “We have signage. We have branding. We just finished reprinting the letterhead.”
Officials also noted that Portland has spent years carefully cultivating its identity and “cannot simply become Boston because a few people miss yelling at strangers.”
The Coin Flip Argument
Undeterred, the group continues to lean heavily on history, referencing the famous coin toss in 1845 that originally decided the city’s name.
“If a coin decided it once, a coin can decide it again,” said Donnelly, holding up what he described as “a historically neutral quarter.”
The group has formally requested a city-sanctioned coin flip in Pioneer Courthouse Square, proposing that the outcome be “binding, symbolic, or at least emotionally validating.”
City officials have not responded to the request.
Public Reaction Mixed
Local residents expressed confusion, mild concern, and polite indifference.
“I moved here to get away from Boston,” said one Portland resident. “If it becomes Boston, I don’t know where I go next.”
Others admitted they hadn’t noticed the campaign at all.
“I thought it was a brewery promotion,” said another resident. “They all are.”
What’s Next
The group says it plans to escalate its efforts by:
- Replacing “Portland” with “Boston” in casual conversation
- Mailing coins to city hall
- Hosting a “Coin Flip Festival” featuring food trucks and unresolved tension
- Promising to stop if the city just tries flipping one coin
As of press time, the city of Portland remained officially named Portland, while the group continued to insist it was “only temporary.”
